1935

Arrival

   terrible terrible dream — falling — falling — black — terror, black black dying black, bursting rushing shapes of white eat the black — white, white, blinding white, terror, scream scream scream. Wake up — dream, dream, not real, dream here alive — safe — here — faces — hands — sleep, suck, sleep and suck, suck and sleep warm sleep suck sweet warm taste voices mammy beautiful suck warm safe daddy sleep sleep dream oblivion

   sleepsleepsleepdreamdream sleepsleepdreamdream mammy dreamdream daddy dreamsleepdreamdream sleep alive mammy daddy know them saw them daddy mammy sleep sleep dream sleep know them saw them knew them before — sleep — suck — hands faces heaven suck voices born sleep quartertosix sleep morning beautiful morning sun faces suck suck sunshine warm sleep sleep

The card sent by Sarah Wall on my birth

Born prematurely

   Mammy’s birthday love you born too soon due on your birthday too soon

Circumcised

   Crying cry hurt hurting cry grannie is upset why did you have him done hands faces grannies face love her sleep dream sleep

Baptised

   Mammy and Daddy took me to Church. Mr. Keays held me and put water on my head. I gurgled with joy. Before I formed thee in the womb I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee.

[The Baptism, at St. Paul’s Church, Bordesley Green, was conducted by the Vicar, the Reverend Reginald H.L. Keays. Brian’s parents are lodging with Mrs. Sarah Wall, a godly woman who sent Brian a card on the day he was born; she lets her rooms at 82 Finnemore Road. Mr. Keays, who married Brian’s parents on 29th September last year, lives seven doors up the road at Nº 68; he calls regularly to see them and the new baby, and always prays for them.]

Not sucking a dummy

   Mammy and Daddy took me to have my photo taken to give to Grannie and Grandad for Christmas. I am sucking a tassel. It is not a dummy. Mammy says I do not have one.

At four months, with my mother, Rose, who was 23